Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
