There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
