Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
