Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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