Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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