drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
