she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
