I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
