i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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