You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
