it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
