Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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