There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
