please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
