I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
