Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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