If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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