maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize