He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Drake has all the answers
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
