How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you had me at cake vodka
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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