I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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