Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
