you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
