apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
