I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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