Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
