so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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