Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
