I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
