I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
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So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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