so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
