Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
