Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
