I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
