I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
