i was born a porn star she said
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
