Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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