remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
