I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
