dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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