i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
