Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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