glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
