We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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