Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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