I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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