definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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