I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize