All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
