i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
