One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
