i think my mom watched the whole time
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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