have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
