Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
