is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
