he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
