Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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