forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
