brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
