Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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