What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
how drunk are you?
Several
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
