it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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