He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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