Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
