do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
