I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
