you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
God I need to hump something, right now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
