My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
