Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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