you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
