Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
