Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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