My nipple is on Facebook.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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