You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
