I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
