some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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