i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Come on in and take your pants off
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