Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
