Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
