His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
