I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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